Obnoxious Boston Fan

The world of sports from a unique perspective.

Archive for April 2011

Coast-to-Coast – It’s a Beantown Boast

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Celtics

Hey Spike, you can't handle the Truth. Paul Pierce, KG, Ray Allen and the rest of the Celtics swept away the Knicks in Round 1.

Happy Easter.

Broomsday in the Big Apple! Talk about your all-time wicked awesome runs: starting with last Sunday’s Red Sox win over the Blue Jays – the Celtics, Red Sox and Bruins are a combined 14-1.

The Celtics weathered a scare Sunday but Knicks didn’t have enough. The key moments: Paul Pierce’s ability to draw a charge late in the 4th quarter on a breakaway and an earlier timeout followed by quick baskets from Pierce and Rajon Rondo after the Knicks had cut a 23-point lead to 4. It’s wonderful that New York’s 10-year run of playoff futility will run until at least 2012. The sweep is also nice because New York can always use a good spring cleaning. The Big Ticket punched out the Big Apple. The Knicks were simply Spiked…

Dice-K on a roll.

The 10-11 Red Sox became the best late-show on TV this week, finding their traction in, of all places, California. Much to the relief of Theo EpsteinTerry Francona and the guy who sells ads for NESN, that 2-10 record faded quicker than Charlie Sheen’s comeback.  This is the team that we all expected in spring training. Not expected:  John Lackey and Dice-K posting  back-to-back 8-inning, shutout performances on the road. I don’t think that’s even possible in MLB 2K11 with the setting on “infant.”

Adding to the miracles of Easter Sunday – Carl Crawford homered. Boston’s starters have allowed just six earned runs in their past 61 1⁄3 innings – which the Boston Herald  notes – was the team’s best such run as of Sunday since 1946. So we had the worst start since 1945 followed by the best run of pitching since 1946. Hope 1947 was a good year. It was also Boston’s first 4-game sweep of the Angels in Anaheim since 1980. Wow!

Did you see where some fan threw three crumpled $1 bills at Crawford while he was in the on-deck circle the other night? Luckily for everyone, he stayed off the foul pole and kept his clothes on.

Not sure what was the coolest moment of the week ice-wise — Andrew Ference offering his one-finger salute to les habitants watching Les Habitants, Michael Ryder’s save early in Game 5 (sorry, but that bounce off Chara’s skate was luck) or Nathan Horton’s goal in double-OT. The only thing that beats a goal in double-OT is a goal in triple-OT. Tim Thomas was a wall Saturday, but that stop by Ryder was chillastic. Meanwhile, Claude Julien has bounced back quicker than a Super Ball on steroids. Looks like he’s safe in the boardroom – at least until next weekend.

The NFL draft is this week and we learned the Pats will open their schedule on Monday, Sept. 12 at Miami. Now, if we only had a football season. Good to see Tom Brady cheering on the Sox. If there’ s not football this year maybe he work some short relief…

Wondering, will Auburn’s Cam Newton be eligible for unemployment once he’s drafted?…

Ohio State had its spring football game Saturday. Terrelle Pryor didn’t play, but he was outside the Horseshoe scalping tickets. Coach Jim Tressel is so shifty, he was caught secretly video-taping his own practice…

Booksigning at "Barnes & Toe-ble"

Rex Ryan has a new book out. It’s all footnotes. His first rejected title: “Tale of Toe Cities.” (Thanks to Joe Fitzgerald via Facebook for that one).  Ryan does have a book signing planned at the nearby “Barnes and Toe-ble.”…

Separated at birth — Thor and Clay Matthews

Orlando’s Dwight Howard ought to sue his teammates for support. That would be quite a twist. Wondering if Superman is going to need a plane ticket when he takes off for LA? There was a column in Orlando the other day comparing Orlando’s Hedo Turkoglu, Jason Richardson and Brandon Bass to the “Three Stooges.” They forgot about the fourth stooge – “Shemp Arenas.”  Funny, the only guy in Orlando not playing like a stooge is named “Howard.” But he’s very “fine.”…

With Arenas, the Magic are still on the hook or about $48 million. “Agent Zero” has become “Absolute Zero.” Hard to believe there was actually a deal that may be considered worse than the Kendrick Perkins trade in the NBA this season.  Arenas joins Grant Hill and Crawford on the all-time J.D. Drew list…

The Royal Wedding and the NFL draft are both this week. We’ll have a bunch of elite, pompous, spoiled millionaires all dressed up and parading around, bowing to a monarch — and then there’s Will and Kate. That’s not to be confused with the Royal Rumble – also known as Ben Roethlisberger’s wedding night…

Did Shaq greet the Easter Bunny or eat the Easter bunny? He didn’t get an Easter basket – he got an Easter bushel. Most kids got chocolate bunnies, Shaq picked up a chocolate hippo…

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com or on his Facebook  page. He can also be heard Mondays on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi and Brian Fritz on 740-AM the Game  in Orlando. 

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April 24, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Hooray for Patriots Day, Sugar Ray and the red-hot Sox

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Ray Allen

TRAY-MENDOUS!

Happy Patriots Day!

“The Red Sox Are Coming!  The Red Sox Are Coming!”

Three in a row. Break ’em up!

The real marathon was at Fenway with all those Red Sox baserunners crossing the plate in Monday’s 9-1 win.  Four hits (HR, 4 RBI)  from Jed Lowrie, 7 scoreless from Dice-K, J.D. Drew leads off with a triple, Carl Crawford hits an RBI double. There has been this much shock and awe on Patriots Day since, well, Patriots Day. You knew things were looking up when you they doubled their win total in 24 hours over the weekend.

Kendrick who? (Just kidding). If the Celtics and Thunder meet in the NBA Finals – we will fear “The Curse of the Perkino.”

Sunday’s headlines: Death Ray Destroys New York. Hip-Hip-Hoo-RAY! Allen’s shot came in the “Knick of time.” It was simply TRAY-MENDOUS, it came from beyond the “Arc de Triomphe .”  This could go on forever. Jermaine O’Neal was spectacular. It’s about time the Celtics got something from an O’Neal besides a “Shaq-tue.” …

To channel my inner Buford T. Justice — Jermaine finally became “germane” to the situation…

For Ray, it remains a case of “Springfield and Bust.”…

For 2 months, the Celtics have been telling us that Shaq would return for the playoffs. I’m thinking we were “Jim Tresseled” on that one. I’m afraid we won’t see Shaq in a Celtic uniform until Carl Crawford reaches .200, Gary Busey earns a Ph.D and Kemba Walker gets a library card…

Dwight Orlando, Orlando Magic

"Whens the next flight to LA?"

I saw Orlando Superman Dwight Howard scored 46 points in a loss Saturday. The only thing that will get him to L.A. quicker than a first-round exit by Orlando is a first-round exit by the Lakers. So many Magic players dozed off in their Game 1 loss, I thought I was watching air traffic control at OIA. This time, it was the Magic who left at half-time and didn’t come back – not the fans. There is a lot to do at the Amway Center in Orlando – there’s Stuff’s Playground, lots of  fancy restaurants and upscale bars, interactive displays, etc. If you stick around long enough, you might even see a basketball game…

Someone in Orlando set up a website – “staydwight.com” – to keep Dwight Howard in town. Well, it already has some on-line competition from a site called “LosAngelesLakers.com.”

Hard to believe a convicted felon and disgraced ballplayer like Barry Bonds would still have such a swelled head…

Tom Brady

"Why me?!?!?"

It’s Patriots Day. We honor Patriots like Paul Revere, John Hancock, John Adams — and the greatest Patriot of all – Captain Tom Brady. Unfortunately, Revere’s infamous cry of the “British Are Coming, the British Are Coming” has been re-placed by Brady’s whine of “Boo, hoo. Whaaaa! Why wasn’t I drafted in the 6th Round?” And the history books have it all wrong. Revere wasn’t tipped off by lights in the Old North Church – rather it was the work of a little-known spy sent by Colonel Nathaniel Belichick. And the bad guy, it turns out, was a fat English General named Cyrex Ryan. He was in charge of the British foot soldiers.

Kenya’s Geoffrey Mutai won the Boston Marathon in record time Monday. Surprised Donald Trump wasn’t at the finish line asking for his birth certificate. Shaq’s idea of the Boston Marathon – all you can eat pancakes at the IHOP in Brighton…

The University of Central Florida is No. 9 on Playboy’s party school list. Does that mean they’ll change their name from the Knights to the Trojans? Hey, with all his antics (including 5 suspensions), South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia is trying single-handedly to get his school on Playboy’s list. Of course, when it comes to Playboy, everything is “single-handed.”…

Boston has 1 goal in 2 games against Montreal. Was Crawford was moonlighting for the Bruins…

Walk this way, slowly.

J-Lo was named People Magazine’s most beautiful woman.In a related note,  her American Idol co-host Stephen Tyler was named America’s Most Beautiful Grandmother by the AARP…

The Beach Boys were in Orlando over the weekend. They’ve been around so long their idea of a “California Girl” is Betty White.

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be heard Monday mornings on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi and Brian Fritz on 740-The Game Orlando, reached on his Facebook page or at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com.

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April 18, 2011 at 9:53 am

Beantown Angst, LeBron In Tune and Charl’s Sheen at Augusta

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LeBron James Celtics

LeBron James, the newest superstar in the Red Sox stable, hung 27 on the Celtics Sunday in South Beach. Why team up with LeBron? Maybe John Henry thought he still owned the Marlins?

Well, Tiger didn’t get another Green Jacket. At least he still has his Scarlet Letter. Charl Schwartzel? Yeah, I had him in my Masters pool. Right. When Tiger had the clubhouse lead at 10 under – he hadn’t been that anxious since Rachel Uchitel was late. Sunday’s Masters finish was spectacular. Too bad no one this side of Springboks Nation had ever heard of the winner.

Just wondering: Was John Henry rooting for the Celtics or Heat Sunday?

The good old days are becoming just that. The Pats haven’t won a playoff game in three years, Red Sox fans are dancing in the streets because they got their 2nd win of the season Sunday night and the Celtics are still in free-fall following the Kendrick Perkins deal. The Bruins you say? They’ll need an exorcism to erase the stain of last spring’s collapse against Philly. Pretty soon we’ll be trading in the Duck Boats for a seat on the UConn bandwagon. Right now, we’re looking at Bruins vs. Habs and Celts vs. Knicks in the first round of the playoffs. Buckle up, folks.

John Henry

King Maker.

Last week, LeBron James joined forces with Henry and the Sox in a business venture . Then he scored 27   against the Celtics Sunday. At least one of them should still be in it come Mother’s Day. LeBron teaming up with the Red Sox? What’s next – Rex Ryan taking over as Lucky? A-Rod driving the Bruins’ Zamboni? Kobe Bryant lining up next to Wes Welker? Meanwhile, the Bulls are turning the East into the streets of Pamplona. And when it comes to the MVP race, Derrick Rose has everyone else pushing up daisies.

Anyone still like the Perkins trade? Sure, the fans in every other city in the NBA. After Sunday’s South Beach slapdown, Boston fell to 3rd in the East and trails the Heat by 1 game with 2 to play. Worse, the men in Green have gone Code Blue – going 9-10 over their last 19 games. For months we’ve heard they’ll put it all together for the playoffs. Well, in case they haven’t noticed, the playoffs start next weekend…

Pedro Martinez says he’d be open for a return to the Sox. Wondering if Boston is trying to re-sign Roger Clemens just for his steroid connections. They’re getting ready to put HGH in Fenway Franks. The 4th-place Sox and 5th-place Rays have 3 games this week. Hollywood is calling it: “The Bad News Bears In Breaking Wind.”  Carl Crawford must be a double-agent.  Hope Henry put that $142 million on his AMEX card so he use their Buyer’s Assurance program. Speaking of Clemens, coming to a Court TV channel near you: his perjury trial

Hear the big news about the 2012 Wrestlemaina main event? It’s The Rock vs. John Cena. That could be the biggest spectacle in Miami since Shaq hit South Beach in a Speedo. Wonder if LeBron’s mom , Gloria, will be on the undercard? King James is planning a new marketing campaign – “Witness – For the Defense.”…

Manny Ramirez.

"Does anyone know how to spell P-E-D?"

Then there’s Manny…

Manny Ramirez was an enigma, wrapped in a dilemma, boxed in a question, bagged in a quandary and packaged in a parody…

When it comes to Cooperstown, Manny shot himself in the foot with a syringe. Ramirez hit 555 homers, had 1,831 RBIs, won a World Series MVP, 2 rings and had the 8th highest OPS in baseball history – all with the sweetest right-handed swing this side of Hank Aaron. Too bad he’s going end up on the Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds side of the ledger. He also took about 17 minutes to stroll around the bases after each home run, only ran out grounders on Thursdays and turned every fly ball into an adventure. His fielding was spotty and he once turned the Green Monster into a Port-a-Potty. He put the first “I” in Boston’s famous 2004 “Idiots.”

They hold Manny he tested positive the 2nd time for a Peformance Enhancing Drug, or PED. Manny replied. “I’d Google that but I can’t spell it?” Seriously, after his retirement Friday, Manny did say: “God knows what’s best (for me). I am now an officially retired baseball player.” Too bad God didn’t tell Manny to give up “banned substances” for Lent.

The best Manny anecdote I heard came via Jim Luttrell of the New York Times on Facebook: “The Cleveland police officer flipped the siren switch and flagged down the car belonging to Ramirez that night in 1997. Manny was driving with illegally tinted windows, his stereo blasting loud enough to be heard all the way to Ashtabula. “I’m going to give you a ticket,” the officer told Ramirez, the budding young star of the Cleveland Indians. “I don’t need any tickets,” Manny replied, thinking this was a conversation about entry to Jacobs Field. “I can give you tickets.”

He was unique if nothing else….

The University of Florida had its spring game  Saturday – or was it the latest re-make of “The Longest Yard?” If new Coach Will Muschamp doesn’t straighten things out in Gainesville,  they’re going to re-name Florida’s pre-game ritual the “Gator Perp Walk” Muschamp had a group of Florida columnists on the sidelines helping him coach the game. It was a dream come true – for Florida State fans.

The future Mrs. Roethlisberger.

Ben Roethlisberger confirmed his engagement the other day. The alleged victim, er, bride to be, is Ashley Haran. When he popped the question – it was the first time Ben ever asked a girl for anything. The future Mrs. R is registered at “Bed, Bath and Tasers.” She passed on Macy’s when she heard they didn’t sell Mace.  They cancelled honeymoon plans for a trip to Disney World after Cinderella posted armed guards around her castle. When it comes time to exchange their vows – she’s going to say “I do” and he’s going to enter a plea of “not guilty.” To keep things safe on the wedding day – the bridal party is going to consist of “Charlies Angels”, “Cagney and Lacey,” the chick from “Sucker Punch” and 4 female Chinese Olympic weightlifters. The bride is going to be walked down the aisle by 2 state troopers and Clay Matthews.

Obnoxious Boston fan can be heard each Monday between 8 and 9 a.m. on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi on 740AM the Game in Orlando. He can also be reached on his Facebook page and at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com.

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April 10, 2011 at 7:13 pm

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Dog Show: UConn, the Red Sox and other pet peeves

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Panic Button

Go ahead Red Sox fans, press it. Press it hard. You know you want to. The Red Sox and their $162 million payroll are 3 games behind Baltimore in the AL East after an 0-3 start - their worst since 1996.

Happy National Championship Monday.

Hit it. The Red Sox are off to their worst start in 15 years, Shaq’s hurt – again – and there may be no NFL season. Even the UConn women lost Sunday. If this keeps up, I’m going to have to cancel Direct TV and re-new my library card.  Go Bruins.

It’s the Huskies vs. Bulldogs this evening for Best in Show in Houston. One person likely not in attendance – Mike Vick.

 It’s a “Two Dog Night’ (thanks to the Hartford Courant for that one). We “triple-dog dare” Butler to pull off the upset. And “Blue’s Clues” spell it out: the winner has Kemba Walker, Jeremy Lamb and its coach isn’t 18 years old. Answer: “It must be UConn.” 

Kemba Walker

Kemba Walker and the UConn Huskies are barking at the door of a national title.

UConn is on the verge of something truly epic (sorry, Charlie). The Huskies have won 13 straight “exit games” in three tournaments dating back to Hawaii. Walker has elevated himself to “Mr. March” (or is it “Mr. April”) status and owns every inch of the court when he’s playing. Jim Calhoun is 40 minutes away from joining John Wooden, Coach K, Bob Knight and Adolph Rupp as the only coach ever to win 3 men’s NCAA tourney titles. Word has it the Hoodie of the Hardwood, the Naismith of Nutmeg and the Sultan of Storrs may retire before next season with a win tonight, thanks in part to those upcoming NCAA sanctions.

Here’a a couple of final 4s: the first time Calhoun took his Huskies to the NCAA tournament – those Huskies were at Northeastern and Bulter coach Brad Stevens was just a pup at 4 and Calhoun coached his first college game 4 years and 11 months before Stevens was born.

Speaking of shattered brackets – who had Notre Dame and Texas A&M in the women’s final? Props to Maya Moore for a great career at UConn.

Clay Buchholtz

Et tu, Clay? 4 homers on Sunday.

Who needs roids when you have the Red Sox pitching staff? The Rangers hit 11 homers in 3 games  off Jon Lester, John Lackey, Clay Buchholtz and friends. Right now the ace of the Boston staff is Dennys Reyes – who managed not to give up a homer in 3 appearances this weekend.

Pet peeve: sportswriters and commentators who demean Red Sox fans for hitting the panic button after three losses. It’s cool when fans preach calmness and sanity. But if it weren’t for nutty sports fans who were irrationally passionate about teams like the Red Sox – those same scribes wouldn’t have a job.

Is that $142 million refundable? (Just kidding, folks)

For 8 years we watched Carl Crawford kill the Red Sox. Well, he finally stopped on Sunday. CC’s 0-for-7 start helped the Sox to the second-worst opening of the weekend after Charlie Sheen’s “Torpedo What’s Left of My Career Tour.” I won’t say Sox fans panicked after those three losses, but they were lined 3-deep on the Tobin Bridge Sunday night. Rangers fans were spreading smack on line all weekend – of course that bandwagon is still on its first tank of gas. Right after we were told not to panic – Tito moved Crawford to 7th in the batting order and he got 2 hits. Jarrod Saltalamacchia has 14 letters in his last name but is 0-for-10 at the plate. Who would have ever thought Tek would be a boost at the plate as well as behind it?…

There was a story about how some folks wanted to be buried at Daytona International Speedway. I was going to have my ashes buried at Tropicana Field – but I didn’t want to spend eternity by myself stranded at 3rd base. The odds are 25-1 for the Rays to win the World Series and 25,000,000-1 that Manny Ramirez shows up on time for every game. Ramirez is making about $2 million this year and will reportedly get a $3 million bonus whenever he runs out a ground ball. The Rays drew only 34,000 for their first game – after all those years in Boston and in the Bronx Johnny Damon saw that crowd and thought it was time for BP…

After a couple of weeks of the Barry Bonds trial – it’s apparent that baseball has moved from the

No "Love Connection" here, Barry.

“juiced ball” era to the “small ball” era. When it comes to making a “Love Connection” – Bonds makes Tiger Woods look like Chuck Woolery….

Well, the Magic’s “Fear the Beard” campaign has picked up some steam. I plan not to shave until both O’Neals  can play more than a quarter at a time. Thanks to my Mediterranean heritage – you’ll be able to call me “ZZ Bill” by Thursday. Shaq’s comeback lasted 5 1/2 minutes – or as Rick Pitino would call it – an eternity. He injured his calf, had a cow then consoled himself by eating a side of beef.

Tiger will be hacking away this week for another Green Jacket. His career has gone from heaven at “Amen Corner” to purgatory at “Driveway’s End.” Tiger’s selling his boat “Privacy.” His other yachts “Dignity” and “Reputation” sank about 18 months ago. Well done, Phil Mickelson. That 46 long should fit nicely…

BCS – Blatantly Corrupt System…

Three biggest lies in sports: “I’m not doing it for the money.” – “Elin, I’ve never been to Perkins.” – And whenever Jim Tressel isssues a denial…

What’s harder to believe – Tressel is still in power or that Gary Busey is still alive on “Celebrity Apprentice.” Even Columbus can’t believe what’s going in Columbus…

Tressel is going to play Eddie Haskell in the remake of “Leave It to Thiever.”…

 With the lockout – Auburn’s Cam Newton may already be eligible to collect unemployment…

See they found that loose snake in the Bronx – he showed up at Yankee Stadium wearing No. 13…

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be heard each Monday on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi on 740AM the Game in Orlando. Follow him on his Facebook page. He can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com.

Written by Obnoxious Boston Fan

April 3, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Posted in Uncategorized