Obnoxious Boston Fan

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South Beached & Red Sox deliver a mini-miracle

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New NBA logo featuring David Stern instead of Jerry West. Paul Pierce left early Sunday - courtesy of 2 technicals in 58 seconds.

Was I in Miami Sunday?

Those refs in Miami must have been the same folks counting votes down there in 2000. And didn’t I see Tim Donaghy lurking behind the grassy palm?

There are many reasons why the Celtics wilted against the Heat Sunday – age, Paul Pierce’s early departure, points allowed off turnovers, Miami’s 3-point shooting – among them. But the Celtics are down 0-1 because Miami – as much as we hate to admit it– outhustled, out-toughed (is that a word?) and out-played the Celtics all afternoon. The fact that Boston was still in this thing until the final minute or so gives us hope that the series isn’t lost along with Game 1.  Boston stumbled badly at the end of the 1st and 2nd quarters and those lost points proved to be the difference Sunday.  Hey, I don’t expect James Jones to score 25 points in Game 2. Of course, no one expected him to score 25 points in Game 1, either…

Dwyane Wade had some superpowers of his own Sunday. He scored 38 points and helped Paul Pierce get ejected.

If LeBron had breakfast against the Sixers, Dwyane Wade had Boston’s lunch in Game 1. He was “Lethal Weapon 3” with 38 points. He could use a little help from the fans the next time he dives head-first into the crowd, however. Superman may play in Orlando, but Spiderman is alive and well in Miami. Before Sunday’s game, the guy working the deli counter at my local Publix Supermarket told me he had bought up the line and bet the Celtics +8. I thought that was pretty cool until I realized that if this guy knew how to pick games, he probably wouldn’t be working the deli counter at Publix. The last 30 seconds of that game must have been pure agony for him. 99-90 Heat. At least the roast beef was on sale and it tasted great…

There’s a new method of torture at Gitmo —- watching NFL draft coverage and trying to figure out what Bill Belichick is doing…

They released Hedo Turkoglu’s birth certificate in Turkey — turns out he’s from Miss-tanbul…

When Dwight Howard moves to LA, he’ll probably be able to keep his Jaguars season tickets since they’ll be right behind him. Still dreaming of him in Celtic green…

Congrats to Magic GM Otis Smith. With Orlando’s first-round exit – he now officially holds the crown for “Worst NBA Move This Season” thanks to his mid-season acquisition of Gilbert Arenas. Danny Ainge is poised to take the crown with a Round 2 exit by the Celtics…

The Red Sox celebrated Sunday's win like it was....2004. After a month of "maydays" in April, Carl Crawford celebrated May Day with a game-winning single.

Three things I blew it on — the 19-0 Patriots, President McCain and Carl Crawford – Superstar. The only thing missing from Crawford’s game-winning single Sunday was Al Michaels asking: “Do you believe in miracles?” To celebrate Crawford’s hit, the Duck Boats will roll at noon today…

Following Saturday’s performance,  MLB was going to change the stat in box scores of Red Sox games from RISP to RIP…

Still, questions linger on Yawkey Way: Any chance David Ortiz can go less than a month between home runs this season? Does “Jenks” rhyme with “stinks?” Did Ichiro forget his sunglasses?

Sunday was Vermont Day at Fenway. So the scalpers were selling tickets to Friday’s game…

The Bruins rolled in Game 1 at Philly. The 7 goals were nice and Boston’s goaltending throughout the playoffs has been spectacular. But I’m not going to be comfortable in this series until the Bruins win 5 games. The Bruins will not escape what happened last year until they undo what happened last year. Hard to believe the Tampa Bay Lightning are still playing and the Orlando Magic aren’t. Who knows, it may be the year of Thunder and Lightning?…

Guess Derek Lowe won’t be driving Roger McDowell to his sensitivity training class. The Braves are a mess. The Red Sox are lucky, all they have to worry about is being in last place…

Suprised Jim Tressel hasn’t recruited former Florida star and pot-smoker Jenoris Jenkins to become Ohio State’s team pharmacist. Of course, in Tressel’s case, he would deny hanging out with Jenkins before downing 6 pizzas and 12 bags of Doritos…

Cam Newton - Is he eligible for unemployment?

Some fan offered Cam Newton $1 million to take a lie detector test. Newton passed. He figured being taken No. 1 in the NFL draft was enough of a pay cut.

The folks at the University of Central Florida always wanted to be in Florida’s league, looks like they’re on the way thanks to this story. Maybe UCF can bring in Jim Calhoun to clean up its program. Folks in Orlando can remember the good old days when the worst thing was George O’Leary lying on a resume. Running with the big dogs? Forget fleas, Kenneth Caldwell may give UCF a full-blown case of rabies…

Favorite line of the week in the paper was about UCF’s Jah Ried, a 6-7, 327-pound offensive tackle who “dropped considerable weight” during his career with the Knights. What was his name as a freshman — “Baby Shaq”?…

Speaking of Shaq, hope he doesn’t fall asleep on South Beach. He may wake up at the Seaquarium next to Flipper…

Big hats, bad teeth and cross-breeding, was that the Kentucky Derby preview or the Royal Wedding? The Royal Kiss lasted about 3 seconds, or as Rick Pitino would call it – an orgy.

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be heard Monday’s on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi and Brian Fritz. He can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com or on his Facebook page. 

Coast-to-Coast – It’s a Beantown Boast

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Celtics

Hey Spike, you can't handle the Truth. Paul Pierce, KG, Ray Allen and the rest of the Celtics swept away the Knicks in Round 1.

Happy Easter.

Broomsday in the Big Apple! Talk about your all-time wicked awesome runs: starting with last Sunday’s Red Sox win over the Blue Jays – the Celtics, Red Sox and Bruins are a combined 14-1.

The Celtics weathered a scare Sunday but Knicks didn’t have enough. The key moments: Paul Pierce’s ability to draw a charge late in the 4th quarter on a breakaway and an earlier timeout followed by quick baskets from Pierce and Rajon Rondo after the Knicks had cut a 23-point lead to 4. It’s wonderful that New York’s 10-year run of playoff futility will run until at least 2012. The sweep is also nice because New York can always use a good spring cleaning. The Big Ticket punched out the Big Apple. The Knicks were simply Spiked…

Dice-K on a roll.

The 10-11 Red Sox became the best late-show on TV this week, finding their traction in, of all places, California. Much to the relief of Theo EpsteinTerry Francona and the guy who sells ads for NESN, that 2-10 record faded quicker than Charlie Sheen’s comeback.  This is the team that we all expected in spring training. Not expected:  John Lackey and Dice-K posting  back-to-back 8-inning, shutout performances on the road. I don’t think that’s even possible in MLB 2K11 with the setting on “infant.”

Adding to the miracles of Easter Sunday – Carl Crawford homered. Boston’s starters have allowed just six earned runs in their past 61 1⁄3 innings – which the Boston Herald  notes – was the team’s best such run as of Sunday since 1946. So we had the worst start since 1945 followed by the best run of pitching since 1946. Hope 1947 was a good year. It was also Boston’s first 4-game sweep of the Angels in Anaheim since 1980. Wow!

Did you see where some fan threw three crumpled $1 bills at Crawford while he was in the on-deck circle the other night? Luckily for everyone, he stayed off the foul pole and kept his clothes on.

Not sure what was the coolest moment of the week ice-wise — Andrew Ference offering his one-finger salute to les habitants watching Les Habitants, Michael Ryder’s save early in Game 5 (sorry, but that bounce off Chara’s skate was luck) or Nathan Horton’s goal in double-OT. The only thing that beats a goal in double-OT is a goal in triple-OT. Tim Thomas was a wall Saturday, but that stop by Ryder was chillastic. Meanwhile, Claude Julien has bounced back quicker than a Super Ball on steroids. Looks like he’s safe in the boardroom – at least until next weekend.

The NFL draft is this week and we learned the Pats will open their schedule on Monday, Sept. 12 at Miami. Now, if we only had a football season. Good to see Tom Brady cheering on the Sox. If there’ s not football this year maybe he work some short relief…

Wondering, will Auburn’s Cam Newton be eligible for unemployment once he’s drafted?…

Ohio State had its spring football game Saturday. Terrelle Pryor didn’t play, but he was outside the Horseshoe scalping tickets. Coach Jim Tressel is so shifty, he was caught secretly video-taping his own practice…

Booksigning at "Barnes & Toe-ble"

Rex Ryan has a new book out. It’s all footnotes. His first rejected title: “Tale of Toe Cities.” (Thanks to Joe Fitzgerald via Facebook for that one).  Ryan does have a book signing planned at the nearby “Barnes and Toe-ble.”…

Separated at birth — Thor and Clay Matthews

Orlando’s Dwight Howard ought to sue his teammates for support. That would be quite a twist. Wondering if Superman is going to need a plane ticket when he takes off for LA? There was a column in Orlando the other day comparing Orlando’s Hedo Turkoglu, Jason Richardson and Brandon Bass to the “Three Stooges.” They forgot about the fourth stooge – “Shemp Arenas.”  Funny, the only guy in Orlando not playing like a stooge is named “Howard.” But he’s very “fine.”…

With Arenas, the Magic are still on the hook or about $48 million. “Agent Zero” has become “Absolute Zero.” Hard to believe there was actually a deal that may be considered worse than the Kendrick Perkins trade in the NBA this season.  Arenas joins Grant Hill and Crawford on the all-time J.D. Drew list…

The Royal Wedding and the NFL draft are both this week. We’ll have a bunch of elite, pompous, spoiled millionaires all dressed up and parading around, bowing to a monarch — and then there’s Will and Kate. That’s not to be confused with the Royal Rumble – also known as Ben Roethlisberger’s wedding night…

Did Shaq greet the Easter Bunny or eat the Easter bunny? He didn’t get an Easter basket – he got an Easter bushel. Most kids got chocolate bunnies, Shaq picked up a chocolate hippo…

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com or on his Facebook  page. He can also be heard Mondays on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi and Brian Fritz on 740-AM the Game  in Orlando. 

Written by Obnoxious Boston Fan

April 24, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Hooray for Patriots Day, Sugar Ray and the red-hot Sox

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Ray Allen

TRAY-MENDOUS!

Happy Patriots Day!

“The Red Sox Are Coming!  The Red Sox Are Coming!”

Three in a row. Break ’em up!

The real marathon was at Fenway with all those Red Sox baserunners crossing the plate in Monday’s 9-1 win.  Four hits (HR, 4 RBI)  from Jed Lowrie, 7 scoreless from Dice-K, J.D. Drew leads off with a triple, Carl Crawford hits an RBI double. There has been this much shock and awe on Patriots Day since, well, Patriots Day. You knew things were looking up when you they doubled their win total in 24 hours over the weekend.

Kendrick who? (Just kidding). If the Celtics and Thunder meet in the NBA Finals – we will fear “The Curse of the Perkino.”

Sunday’s headlines: Death Ray Destroys New York. Hip-Hip-Hoo-RAY! Allen’s shot came in the “Knick of time.” It was simply TRAY-MENDOUS, it came from beyond the “Arc de Triomphe .”  This could go on forever. Jermaine O’Neal was spectacular. It’s about time the Celtics got something from an O’Neal besides a “Shaq-tue.” …

To channel my inner Buford T. Justice — Jermaine finally became “germane” to the situation…

For Ray, it remains a case of “Springfield and Bust.”…

For 2 months, the Celtics have been telling us that Shaq would return for the playoffs. I’m thinking we were “Jim Tresseled” on that one. I’m afraid we won’t see Shaq in a Celtic uniform until Carl Crawford reaches .200, Gary Busey earns a Ph.D and Kemba Walker gets a library card…

Dwight Orlando, Orlando Magic

"Whens the next flight to LA?"

I saw Orlando Superman Dwight Howard scored 46 points in a loss Saturday. The only thing that will get him to L.A. quicker than a first-round exit by Orlando is a first-round exit by the Lakers. So many Magic players dozed off in their Game 1 loss, I thought I was watching air traffic control at OIA. This time, it was the Magic who left at half-time and didn’t come back – not the fans. There is a lot to do at the Amway Center in Orlando – there’s Stuff’s Playground, lots of  fancy restaurants and upscale bars, interactive displays, etc. If you stick around long enough, you might even see a basketball game…

Someone in Orlando set up a website – “staydwight.com” – to keep Dwight Howard in town. Well, it already has some on-line competition from a site called “LosAngelesLakers.com.”

Hard to believe a convicted felon and disgraced ballplayer like Barry Bonds would still have such a swelled head…

Tom Brady

"Why me?!?!?"

It’s Patriots Day. We honor Patriots like Paul Revere, John Hancock, John Adams — and the greatest Patriot of all – Captain Tom Brady. Unfortunately, Revere’s infamous cry of the “British Are Coming, the British Are Coming” has been re-placed by Brady’s whine of “Boo, hoo. Whaaaa! Why wasn’t I drafted in the 6th Round?” And the history books have it all wrong. Revere wasn’t tipped off by lights in the Old North Church – rather it was the work of a little-known spy sent by Colonel Nathaniel Belichick. And the bad guy, it turns out, was a fat English General named Cyrex Ryan. He was in charge of the British foot soldiers.

Kenya’s Geoffrey Mutai won the Boston Marathon in record time Monday. Surprised Donald Trump wasn’t at the finish line asking for his birth certificate. Shaq’s idea of the Boston Marathon – all you can eat pancakes at the IHOP in Brighton…

The University of Central Florida is No. 9 on Playboy’s party school list. Does that mean they’ll change their name from the Knights to the Trojans? Hey, with all his antics (including 5 suspensions), South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia is trying single-handedly to get his school on Playboy’s list. Of course, when it comes to Playboy, everything is “single-handed.”…

Boston has 1 goal in 2 games against Montreal. Was Crawford was moonlighting for the Bruins…

Walk this way, slowly.

J-Lo was named People Magazine’s most beautiful woman.In a related note,  her American Idol co-host Stephen Tyler was named America’s Most Beautiful Grandmother by the AARP…

The Beach Boys were in Orlando over the weekend. They’ve been around so long their idea of a “California Girl” is Betty White.

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be heard Monday mornings on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi and Brian Fritz on 740-The Game Orlando, reached on his Facebook page or at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com.

Written by Obnoxious Boston Fan

April 18, 2011 at 9:53 am

Beantown Angst, LeBron In Tune and Charl’s Sheen at Augusta

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LeBron James Celtics

LeBron James, the newest superstar in the Red Sox stable, hung 27 on the Celtics Sunday in South Beach. Why team up with LeBron? Maybe John Henry thought he still owned the Marlins?

Well, Tiger didn’t get another Green Jacket. At least he still has his Scarlet Letter. Charl Schwartzel? Yeah, I had him in my Masters pool. Right. When Tiger had the clubhouse lead at 10 under – he hadn’t been that anxious since Rachel Uchitel was late. Sunday’s Masters finish was spectacular. Too bad no one this side of Springboks Nation had ever heard of the winner.

Just wondering: Was John Henry rooting for the Celtics or Heat Sunday?

The good old days are becoming just that. The Pats haven’t won a playoff game in three years, Red Sox fans are dancing in the streets because they got their 2nd win of the season Sunday night and the Celtics are still in free-fall following the Kendrick Perkins deal. The Bruins you say? They’ll need an exorcism to erase the stain of last spring’s collapse against Philly. Pretty soon we’ll be trading in the Duck Boats for a seat on the UConn bandwagon. Right now, we’re looking at Bruins vs. Habs and Celts vs. Knicks in the first round of the playoffs. Buckle up, folks.

John Henry

King Maker.

Last week, LeBron James joined forces with Henry and the Sox in a business venture . Then he scored 27   against the Celtics Sunday. At least one of them should still be in it come Mother’s Day. LeBron teaming up with the Red Sox? What’s next – Rex Ryan taking over as Lucky? A-Rod driving the Bruins’ Zamboni? Kobe Bryant lining up next to Wes Welker? Meanwhile, the Bulls are turning the East into the streets of Pamplona. And when it comes to the MVP race, Derrick Rose has everyone else pushing up daisies.

Anyone still like the Perkins trade? Sure, the fans in every other city in the NBA. After Sunday’s South Beach slapdown, Boston fell to 3rd in the East and trails the Heat by 1 game with 2 to play. Worse, the men in Green have gone Code Blue – going 9-10 over their last 19 games. For months we’ve heard they’ll put it all together for the playoffs. Well, in case they haven’t noticed, the playoffs start next weekend…

Pedro Martinez says he’d be open for a return to the Sox. Wondering if Boston is trying to re-sign Roger Clemens just for his steroid connections. They’re getting ready to put HGH in Fenway Franks. The 4th-place Sox and 5th-place Rays have 3 games this week. Hollywood is calling it: “The Bad News Bears In Breaking Wind.”  Carl Crawford must be a double-agent.  Hope Henry put that $142 million on his AMEX card so he use their Buyer’s Assurance program. Speaking of Clemens, coming to a Court TV channel near you: his perjury trial

Hear the big news about the 2012 Wrestlemaina main event? It’s The Rock vs. John Cena. That could be the biggest spectacle in Miami since Shaq hit South Beach in a Speedo. Wonder if LeBron’s mom , Gloria, will be on the undercard? King James is planning a new marketing campaign – “Witness – For the Defense.”…

Manny Ramirez.

"Does anyone know how to spell P-E-D?"

Then there’s Manny…

Manny Ramirez was an enigma, wrapped in a dilemma, boxed in a question, bagged in a quandary and packaged in a parody…

When it comes to Cooperstown, Manny shot himself in the foot with a syringe. Ramirez hit 555 homers, had 1,831 RBIs, won a World Series MVP, 2 rings and had the 8th highest OPS in baseball history – all with the sweetest right-handed swing this side of Hank Aaron. Too bad he’s going end up on the Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds side of the ledger. He also took about 17 minutes to stroll around the bases after each home run, only ran out grounders on Thursdays and turned every fly ball into an adventure. His fielding was spotty and he once turned the Green Monster into a Port-a-Potty. He put the first “I” in Boston’s famous 2004 “Idiots.”

They hold Manny he tested positive the 2nd time for a Peformance Enhancing Drug, or PED. Manny replied. “I’d Google that but I can’t spell it?” Seriously, after his retirement Friday, Manny did say: “God knows what’s best (for me). I am now an officially retired baseball player.” Too bad God didn’t tell Manny to give up “banned substances” for Lent.

The best Manny anecdote I heard came via Jim Luttrell of the New York Times on Facebook: “The Cleveland police officer flipped the siren switch and flagged down the car belonging to Ramirez that night in 1997. Manny was driving with illegally tinted windows, his stereo blasting loud enough to be heard all the way to Ashtabula. “I’m going to give you a ticket,” the officer told Ramirez, the budding young star of the Cleveland Indians. “I don’t need any tickets,” Manny replied, thinking this was a conversation about entry to Jacobs Field. “I can give you tickets.”

He was unique if nothing else….

The University of Florida had its spring game  Saturday – or was it the latest re-make of “The Longest Yard?” If new Coach Will Muschamp doesn’t straighten things out in Gainesville,  they’re going to re-name Florida’s pre-game ritual the “Gator Perp Walk” Muschamp had a group of Florida columnists on the sidelines helping him coach the game. It was a dream come true – for Florida State fans.

The future Mrs. Roethlisberger.

Ben Roethlisberger confirmed his engagement the other day. The alleged victim, er, bride to be, is Ashley Haran. When he popped the question – it was the first time Ben ever asked a girl for anything. The future Mrs. R is registered at “Bed, Bath and Tasers.” She passed on Macy’s when she heard they didn’t sell Mace.  They cancelled honeymoon plans for a trip to Disney World after Cinderella posted armed guards around her castle. When it comes time to exchange their vows – she’s going to say “I do” and he’s going to enter a plea of “not guilty.” To keep things safe on the wedding day – the bridal party is going to consist of “Charlies Angels”, “Cagney and Lacey,” the chick from “Sucker Punch” and 4 female Chinese Olympic weightlifters. The bride is going to be walked down the aisle by 2 state troopers and Clay Matthews.

Obnoxious Boston fan can be heard each Monday between 8 and 9 a.m. on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi on 740AM the Game in Orlando. He can also be reached on his Facebook page and at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com.

Written by Obnoxious Boston Fan

April 10, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Dog Show: UConn, the Red Sox and other pet peeves

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Panic Button

Go ahead Red Sox fans, press it. Press it hard. You know you want to. The Red Sox and their $162 million payroll are 3 games behind Baltimore in the AL East after an 0-3 start - their worst since 1996.

Happy National Championship Monday.

Hit it. The Red Sox are off to their worst start in 15 years, Shaq’s hurt – again – and there may be no NFL season. Even the UConn women lost Sunday. If this keeps up, I’m going to have to cancel Direct TV and re-new my library card.  Go Bruins.

It’s the Huskies vs. Bulldogs this evening for Best in Show in Houston. One person likely not in attendance – Mike Vick.

 It’s a “Two Dog Night’ (thanks to the Hartford Courant for that one). We “triple-dog dare” Butler to pull off the upset. And “Blue’s Clues” spell it out: the winner has Kemba Walker, Jeremy Lamb and its coach isn’t 18 years old. Answer: “It must be UConn.” 

Kemba Walker

Kemba Walker and the UConn Huskies are barking at the door of a national title.

UConn is on the verge of something truly epic (sorry, Charlie). The Huskies have won 13 straight “exit games” in three tournaments dating back to Hawaii. Walker has elevated himself to “Mr. March” (or is it “Mr. April”) status and owns every inch of the court when he’s playing. Jim Calhoun is 40 minutes away from joining John Wooden, Coach K, Bob Knight and Adolph Rupp as the only coach ever to win 3 men’s NCAA tourney titles. Word has it the Hoodie of the Hardwood, the Naismith of Nutmeg and the Sultan of Storrs may retire before next season with a win tonight, thanks in part to those upcoming NCAA sanctions.

Here’a a couple of final 4s: the first time Calhoun took his Huskies to the NCAA tournament – those Huskies were at Northeastern and Bulter coach Brad Stevens was just a pup at 4 and Calhoun coached his first college game 4 years and 11 months before Stevens was born.

Speaking of shattered brackets – who had Notre Dame and Texas A&M in the women’s final? Props to Maya Moore for a great career at UConn.

Clay Buchholtz

Et tu, Clay? 4 homers on Sunday.

Who needs roids when you have the Red Sox pitching staff? The Rangers hit 11 homers in 3 games  off Jon Lester, John Lackey, Clay Buchholtz and friends. Right now the ace of the Boston staff is Dennys Reyes – who managed not to give up a homer in 3 appearances this weekend.

Pet peeve: sportswriters and commentators who demean Red Sox fans for hitting the panic button after three losses. It’s cool when fans preach calmness and sanity. But if it weren’t for nutty sports fans who were irrationally passionate about teams like the Red Sox – those same scribes wouldn’t have a job.

Is that $142 million refundable? (Just kidding, folks)

For 8 years we watched Carl Crawford kill the Red Sox. Well, he finally stopped on Sunday. CC’s 0-for-7 start helped the Sox to the second-worst opening of the weekend after Charlie Sheen’s “Torpedo What’s Left of My Career Tour.” I won’t say Sox fans panicked after those three losses, but they were lined 3-deep on the Tobin Bridge Sunday night. Rangers fans were spreading smack on line all weekend – of course that bandwagon is still on its first tank of gas. Right after we were told not to panic – Tito moved Crawford to 7th in the batting order and he got 2 hits. Jarrod Saltalamacchia has 14 letters in his last name but is 0-for-10 at the plate. Who would have ever thought Tek would be a boost at the plate as well as behind it?…

There was a story about how some folks wanted to be buried at Daytona International Speedway. I was going to have my ashes buried at Tropicana Field – but I didn’t want to spend eternity by myself stranded at 3rd base. The odds are 25-1 for the Rays to win the World Series and 25,000,000-1 that Manny Ramirez shows up on time for every game. Ramirez is making about $2 million this year and will reportedly get a $3 million bonus whenever he runs out a ground ball. The Rays drew only 34,000 for their first game – after all those years in Boston and in the Bronx Johnny Damon saw that crowd and thought it was time for BP…

After a couple of weeks of the Barry Bonds trial – it’s apparent that baseball has moved from the

No "Love Connection" here, Barry.

“juiced ball” era to the “small ball” era. When it comes to making a “Love Connection” – Bonds makes Tiger Woods look like Chuck Woolery….

Well, the Magic’s “Fear the Beard” campaign has picked up some steam. I plan not to shave until both O’Neals  can play more than a quarter at a time. Thanks to my Mediterranean heritage – you’ll be able to call me “ZZ Bill” by Thursday. Shaq’s comeback lasted 5 1/2 minutes – or as Rick Pitino would call it – an eternity. He injured his calf, had a cow then consoled himself by eating a side of beef.

Tiger will be hacking away this week for another Green Jacket. His career has gone from heaven at “Amen Corner” to purgatory at “Driveway’s End.” Tiger’s selling his boat “Privacy.” His other yachts “Dignity” and “Reputation” sank about 18 months ago. Well done, Phil Mickelson. That 46 long should fit nicely…

BCS – Blatantly Corrupt System…

Three biggest lies in sports: “I’m not doing it for the money.” – “Elin, I’ve never been to Perkins.” – And whenever Jim Tressel isssues a denial…

What’s harder to believe – Tressel is still in power or that Gary Busey is still alive on “Celebrity Apprentice.” Even Columbus can’t believe what’s going in Columbus…

Tressel is going to play Eddie Haskell in the remake of “Leave It to Thiever.”…

 With the lockout – Auburn’s Cam Newton may already be eligible to collect unemployment…

See they found that loose snake in the Bronx – he showed up at Yankee Stadium wearing No. 13…

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be heard each Monday on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi on 740AM the Game in Orlando. Follow him on his Facebook page. He can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com.

Written by Obnoxious Boston Fan

April 3, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Our Final Four: Red Sox, Celtics, Tiger and then some

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Red Sox get ready for 2011.

Kevin Youkilis and the Red Sox are hoping to flex their muscles in the AL East. The 2011 Red Sox season opens with sky-high expectations Friday at Texas.

What’s in worse shape – your bracket or the Libyan Air Force?

Opening Day is this week. The 2010 World Champion Giants open Thursday against the Dodgers and the 2011 World Series Champion Red Sox  (we hope!) open Friday at Texas. Caught previews of the Rays and Marlins in Sunday’s local paper. Now I know who is going to finish third in the AL and NL East. The Yankees were pretty quiet this spring. Expect them to make less noise once the season starts.

Buck Showalter

Do you want cheese with that whine?

Here’s my Buck Showalter imitation – “Whaaaaaa!” I think he needs his bottle. The Orioles manager took a shot at Red Sox GM Theo Epstein because Boston actually spends money on free-agents like Carl Crawford. Sound’s like Baby Buck is already making excuses for another 96-loss season. The Orioles will finish so deep in the standings they’ll end up 4th – in the Central. Ask fans in New York and Arizona – the quickest way to win a World Series is to fire Showalter – then wait about a year or two.  

Kudos to Sox skipper Terry Francona calling Showalter’s remarks “out of line” Sunday. The difference between them is simple: Francona’s teams win the World Series while he’s manager and Showalter’s teams win the World Series after he’s manager…

As a reward for beating Florida – Butler Coach Brad Stevens gets to stay up past his bedtime all week…

VCU and Butler in the national semifinal. When did they move the NIT to Houston? Imagine how good VCU would be if they actually belonged in the tournament. To quote Otis Day: “Rama Lama Ding Dong.”…

UConn Final Four - Kemba Walker and Jeremy Lamb

"Hey Jeremy, Houston is that-a-way."

Props to UConn Coach Jim Calhoun – The Hoodie of the Hardwood. UConn began the Big East Tournament as the 9th seed. Now 9 straight tournament wins later – No. 3 UConn is the only Big East team left and the highest overall seed in the Final Four.  Kemba Walker and the Huskies are all bite. And they’re ready to be unleashed in Houston. After with that job on Arizona Saturday – UConn’s Jeremy Lamb left March like a lion. Now we’ve got Calhoun vs. John Calipari in the Final Four. Calhoun leads by about 400 victories in wins that count but Calipari has the edge in scandals, vacated Final Fours and fake SAT scores…

Despite not having a single team in the Final Four, President Obama is still in the top 96% nationally with his NCAA bracket. They must be counting those votes in Palm Beach County. He did have France getting past Libya in the play-in game. And those French fighter jets – talk about an oxymoron – they still have their training wheels.

I’m doomed – I still have the Celtics in my Final Four. The Orlando Magic – as a team – are not shaving until the end of their season in a “Fear the Beard” show of team unity. I vow not to get my hair cut until the Celtics are knocked out of the playoffs. At the current rate – I’ll look like Ray Allen by Mother’s Day.

Shaq O'Neal of the Boston Celtics

Is that a 36 XL?

Shaq’s comeback is now pegged for April 5 – but right now the only baskets he can count on this spring are coming from the Easter Bunny. The Big Shamrock  has reportedly lost weight during his absence – he’s must be down to triple digits by now. Doctors put his injured foot in a boot to help it heal. Yep, anything to slow him down. He’s on a 24-minute shot clock as it is. He’s so slow time goes in reverse whenever he moves…

Boston is 10-7 since the Perkins mis-deal as after Sunday’s 85-82 rout of Minnesota. Is it too early to call it “The Curse of the Perkino?”…

By the way, has anyone checked ancestry.com to see if Wyc Grousbeck is related to Harry Frazee? Just shoot me if Wyc is planning a revival of “No, No, Nanette” at the Shubert…

William Shatner

"Beam me up anytime."

William Shatner was in Orlando at the big comic book, sci-fi convention this weekend. Captain Kirk turned 80 this month. At that age – warp speed is 39 miles an hour in the left lane on the Florida Turnpike. You get beamed up about 5 times a night to hit the john. And the Starship Enterprise is docked in about 5 parking spots. James T. Kirk vowed to take the MegaCon audience where “no man has gone before” – which in their case was “on a date.” Shatner’s current show – “S@#& My Dad Days” – reportedly has a spinoff in the works – “S@#& My Dad Forgot.” While T.J. Hooker is an octagenarian, Officer Stacey Sheriden can arrest me whenever she wants…

What do J.J. Henry, Ryan Moore and Mark Wilson have in common? They all beat Tiger Woods this weekend. After his 24th place  finish at Bay Hill – Tiger’s best hope for a green jacket this year is a sale at Men’s Warehouse.

Good to see the NFL players hard at work during the lockout. Hines Ward is on “Dancing with the Stars,” Chad Ochocinco is trying out for a soccer team. And Brandon Meriweather got a job in the sporting goods department at “Off-Target.”…

Gotta go — Showalter can’t find his binky.

The Obnoxious Boston Fan can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com. Follow him on Facebook and listen to his featured calls on “Open Mike with Mike Bianchi” on 740AM The Game in Orlando on Monday mornings between 8 and 9 a.m.

Written by Obnoxious Boston Fan

March 27, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Sweet 16, Tiger’s new girlfriend and the Red Sox

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Happy Sweet 16…

Brandon Meriweather’s lawyer went on the offensive Monday – telling the cops and the media that his client didn’t shoot anyone. Police say the shooting  is still under investigation. Someone is going to have some explaining to do. Stay tuned…

Tiger

Has anyone ever taken a good-looking mug shot?

Who’s going to be a bigger draw this week at Arnold Palmer’s tourney in Orlando this week – Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson or Tiger’s new girlfriend:  Alyse Lahti Johnston (left)? Tiger’s latest flame is only 22 – or as Mark Sanchez would call it – over the hill. Johnson was arrested on suspicion of DUI last year, but the charges were eventually dropped. Read all about it here.  She is training to play on the LPGA tour. Tiger’s advice – avoid the trees when you drive…

The state of Florida has 2 teams in the Sweet 16 – that’s as many as the entire Incredible Shrinking Conference (formerly known as the Big East). Now if the Gators and Noles make the final four – that might be bigger than spring football. Do you have FSU, VCU, Butler and Marquette in your Sweet 16? Didn’t think so…

"I can't see Libya getting past France in the play-in game."

Republicans are upset at President Obama for filling out an NCAA bracket. He’s beating me big time and is in the top 99.9 percent of  ESPN’s nationwide pool heading into the Sweet 16. But on the other hand, I’m not $5 trillion over on my VISA card. The GOP should be happy nonetheless – Obama’s picks were more conservative than Rush Limbaugh speaking at the NRA convention…

Rick Pitino lasted 40 minutes in the NCAA tournament. That’s about 39 minutes and 45 seconds longer than usual. Coach, when it comes to the Sweet 16, you’re not walking through the door, either. Just wondering: Did Danny Ainge channel his inner-Pitino before he made the Kendrick Perkins trade? Maybe the Knicks should re-hire Pitino – he couldn’t hurt…

"Hey, Balboa: Dislike!"

Up next on 30 for 30’s “Fab Five” –  Jalen Rose rips every other team he never beat.  Rose supposedly tweeted an apology to Grant Hill about his “Uncle Tom” remarks before the movie came out and offered another “non-apology” in the Wall Street Journal. Come on. Enough with all these apologies and tough-talk on-line. Do it face-to-face (or over the phone) or don’t do it at all. Imagine Clubber Lang calling out Rocky on Facebook. Or Gary Cooper shooting it out at “High Noon” on twitter: @willkane bang, bang, hope ur dead! LOL! 🙂 …

Please no more “NFL lockout”/”Slavery” analogies. Those words don’t even belong in the same Kindle. Hey Adrian Peterson, since when did slave quarters   include 5 bedrooms, 3 cars, 8 TVs, and a purple room with a pool table and a giant “Vikings V” made out of  14-karat gold painted on the wall. By the way, Adrian is shackled with a $40.5 million deal…

Willams

Buzz

Separated at birth – Marquette coach Buzz Williams and Three Stooges’ legend Curly.

Curley

Curly

UConn’s Kemba ranks up there with Johnny Walker Red, Luke Skywalker, J.J. Walker and Walker Texas Ranger on the all-time coolest Walker  list.

Speaking of “student-athletes” –  Florida OT Carl Johnson scored a whopping 6 out 50  on the Wonderlic. That puts him in line for a Dexter Manley Fellowship…

It’s spring and Red Sox Nation is out in full bloom across florida. Last week – Sox fans conquered Disney World, brought a record crowd to Lakeland, overwhelmed the 17 Tampa Bay supporters in Port Charlotte and packed McKenhnie Field in Bradenton twice. Boston has also sold out 115 of its last 116 games in Fort Myers. All we need are high taxes and bad weather and we’d feel right at home…

Red Sox fans are spreading far and wide across Florida this spring.

Josh Beckett lost twice in 6 days to the Pirates. I don’t think that’s happened since the days of Sister Sledge. When it’s all said and done – the Sox would have spent about $170 million on Beckett and Dice-K – their 4th and 5th starters. For that kind of cash – you could buy half the Tampa Bay Rays or 4 tickets to Opening Day at Fenway on Stub Hub…

Gotta go…Ohio State football coach Eddie Haskell just found Ward Cleaver’s wallet in his back pocket and has no idea how it got there.

For more from the Obnoxious Boston Fan, check out his Facebook  page. He can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com.

Written by Obnoxious Boston Fan

March 21, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Posted in Uncategorized