South Beached & Red Sox deliver a mini-miracle

New NBA logo featuring David Stern instead of Jerry West. Paul Pierce left early Sunday - courtesy of 2 technicals in 58 seconds.

Was I in Miami Sunday?

Those refs in Miami must have been the same folks counting votes down there in 2000. And didn’t I see Tim Donaghy lurking behind the grassy palm?

There are many reasons why the Celtics wilted against the Heat Sunday – age, Paul Pierce’s early departure, points allowed off turnovers, Miami’s 3-point shooting – among them. But the Celtics are down 0-1 because Miami – as much as we hate to admit it– outhustled, out-toughed (is that a word?) and out-played the Celtics all afternoon. The fact that Boston was still in this thing until the final minute or so gives us hope that the series isn’t lost along with Game 1.  Boston stumbled badly at the end of the 1st and 2nd quarters and those lost points proved to be the difference Sunday.  Hey, I don’t expect James Jones to score 25 points in Game 2. Of course, no one expected him to score 25 points in Game 1, either…

Dwyane Wade had some superpowers of his own Sunday. He scored 38 points and helped Paul Pierce get ejected.

If LeBron had breakfast against the Sixers, Dwyane Wade had Boston’s lunch in Game 1. He was “Lethal Weapon 3” with 38 points. He could use a little help from the fans the next time he dives head-first into the crowd, however. Superman may play in Orlando, but Spiderman is alive and well in Miami. Before Sunday’s game, the guy working the deli counter at my local Publix Supermarket told me he had bought up the line and bet the Celtics +8. I thought that was pretty cool until I realized that if this guy knew how to pick games, he probably wouldn’t be working the deli counter at Publix. The last 30 seconds of that game must have been pure agony for him. 99-90 Heat. At least the roast beef was on sale and it tasted great…

There’s a new method of torture at Gitmo —- watching NFL draft coverage and trying to figure out what Bill Belichick is doing…

They released Hedo Turkoglu’s birth certificate in Turkey — turns out he’s from Miss-tanbul…

When Dwight Howard moves to LA, he’ll probably be able to keep his Jaguars season tickets since they’ll be right behind him. Still dreaming of him in Celtic green…

Congrats to Magic GM Otis Smith. With Orlando’s first-round exit – he now officially holds the crown for “Worst NBA Move This Season” thanks to his mid-season acquisition of Gilbert Arenas. Danny Ainge is poised to take the crown with a Round 2 exit by the Celtics…

The Red Sox celebrated Sunday's win like it was....2004. After a month of "maydays" in April, Carl Crawford celebrated May Day with a game-winning single.

Three things I blew it on — the 19-0 Patriots, President McCain and Carl Crawford – Superstar. The only thing missing from Crawford’s game-winning single Sunday was Al Michaels asking: “Do you believe in miracles?” To celebrate Crawford’s hit, the Duck Boats will roll at noon today…

Following Saturday’s performance,  MLB was going to change the stat in box scores of Red Sox games from RISP to RIP…

Still, questions linger on Yawkey Way: Any chance David Ortiz can go less than a month between home runs this season? Does “Jenks” rhyme with “stinks?” Did Ichiro forget his sunglasses?

Sunday was Vermont Day at Fenway. So the scalpers were selling tickets to Friday’s game…

The Bruins rolled in Game 1 at Philly. The 7 goals were nice and Boston’s goaltending throughout the playoffs has been spectacular. But I’m not going to be comfortable in this series until the Bruins win 5 games. The Bruins will not escape what happened last year until they undo what happened last year. Hard to believe the Tampa Bay Lightning are still playing and the Orlando Magic aren’t. Who knows, it may be the year of Thunder and Lightning?…

Guess Derek Lowe won’t be driving Roger McDowell to his sensitivity training class. The Braves are a mess. The Red Sox are lucky, all they have to worry about is being in last place…

Suprised Jim Tressel hasn’t recruited former Florida star and pot-smoker Jenoris Jenkins to become Ohio State’s team pharmacist. Of course, in Tressel’s case, he would deny hanging out with Jenkins before downing 6 pizzas and 12 bags of Doritos…

Cam Newton - Is he eligible for unemployment?

Some fan offered Cam Newton $1 million to take a lie detector test. Newton passed. He figured being taken No. 1 in the NFL draft was enough of a pay cut.

The folks at the University of Central Florida always wanted to be in Florida’s league, looks like they’re on the way thanks to this story. Maybe UCF can bring in Jim Calhoun to clean up its program. Folks in Orlando can remember the good old days when the worst thing was George O’Leary lying on a resume. Running with the big dogs? Forget fleas, Kenneth Caldwell may give UCF a full-blown case of rabies…

Favorite line of the week in the paper was about UCF’s Jah Ried, a 6-7, 327-pound offensive tackle who “dropped considerable weight” during his career with the Knights. What was his name as a freshman — “Baby Shaq”?…

Speaking of Shaq, hope he doesn’t fall asleep on South Beach. He may wake up at the Seaquarium next to Flipper…

Big hats, bad teeth and cross-breeding, was that the Kentucky Derby preview or the Royal Wedding? The Royal Kiss lasted about 3 seconds, or as Rick Pitino would call it – an orgy.

Obnoxious Boston Fan can be heard Monday’s on “Open Mike” with Mike Bianchi and Brian Fritz. He can be reached at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com or on his Facebook page.